


Anfash is gay

by Nazbol



Series: Dedicated to the Jritter Ask Accounts [2]
Category: The Centricide (Webseries)
Genre: Alcohol, M/M, but also some fluff, kinda angsty, roleplay I did with @AskAnqueer on Twitter, roleplay fanfic, tw: racism misogyny and homophobia on Anfash's side
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-20 11:08:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30003963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nazbol/pseuds/Nazbol
Summary: Anqueer and Anfash have had a kind of weird relationship for a while now. First, they constantly fought each other, eventually leading to Anqueer being hospitalized. Anfash felt regret for that, apologized, and would show up at the hospital more than once. Even though he felt sorry, he wouldn't stop fighting with Anqueer's partners. (Maybe jealously?) Eventually, they met up at Anfash's apartment and drank a bit of alcohol. And everyone knows: Things turn out a bit weird when one is drunk.
Relationships: Anarcho-Fascist/Anarcho-Queer (Centricide)
Series: Dedicated to the Jritter Ask Accounts [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2195499
Kudos: 11





	Anfash is gay

**Author's Note:**

> This is a "roleplay fanfiction", so basically I just roleplayed this with @AskAnqueer on Twitter and then copied it into here. There might be some spelling mistakes.

Anfash unlocked the door in a hurry and then pushed it open. The hallway really was dark, but Anfash's apartment wasn't must lighter either. Most of his windows had wooden boards nailed in front of them, so there wasn't really any light that could get in anyway. His face was flushed from the alcohol as he looked at Anqueer with wide eyes. “There you are!” he slurred out and then stepped aside to let Anqueer into his apartment. It looked rather messy, but at least the floor was clean. 

Anqueer looked up from his phone and smiled at Anfash, slipping it back into his pocket. "You're already trashed, huh?" He stepped into the apartment, glancing around as he lingered by the doorway. It looked kind of like an abandoned residence that someone was just squatting in, he bit back a snarky comment about it though. 

“Well, I did take a shot every time I saw something degenerate and...” He stopped for a moment, thinking of it for a moment, and then continued. “there really was a lot of it.” He closed the door behind Anqueer again. “Want to go to my room? I put everything there, it's right over there, the first door to the left.” He explained and grabbed Anqueer's right wrist as if it were something natural to do. There his hand rested softly as he walked over to his room, hopefully making Anqueer follow. 

"Wow, for you that's like... The fastest way to get alcohol poisoning." Anqueer nodded, not paying much of a thought to the contact as he followed Anfash. They entered the room and his immediate first response was to go flop onto the messy bed with a quiet 'oof', "You didn't still want me to choke you, right? I kinda don't feel like fighting you today." 

“I don't think I would get alcohol poisoning, though Riv really hopes I do.” He chuckled slightly at the thought and closed his room door after Anqueer has flopped down on his bed. On the table were vodka, beer, and what appeared to be the sleeping pills Anfash has been offering Anqueer. The PC was also on and of course, a Twitter tab and 4chan tab were open. “Huh?” Anfash narrowed his eyes at the question. “No, I thought you would actually-” He instantly stopped again and made a grimace as if he were disgusted by himself. “Uh, yeah, no. Anyway, what do you want to drink first? Want to watch a movie? Or something else?” Anfash asked, seemingly excited to have Anqueer here. 

"That's just Riv, though." Anqueer sat up, scooting around to get comfier. "I mean I can choke you if you want me to, but I wouldn't really be into it." He joked then paused, "A drink would be nice." Anqueer preoccupied himself by inspecting the room. There wasn't anything super special about it, but his eyes landed on the beer and internally cringed. Of course, Anfash wouldn't even refrigerate it. He knew he probably shouldn't be here considering what had happened recently, but Anqueer was content being in Anfash's presence regardless. 

Anfash nodded to what Anqueer said about Riv and then went completely silent as the other continued to talk. Even though Anqueer was joking, Anfash didn't laugh at all, he just stared back at the other. His eyes seemingly drilling into the other. There was something on his mind he wanted to say, but at the same time something inside Anfash refused and so he just continued to stare. Eventually, the so-called anarchist got up and walked over to the bottles. “What do you prefer?” He held two bottles in the air. “I can mix the vodka with different juices.” He continued. “Or you can also drink them straight out of the bottle like Tankie does.” It still was a miracle to Anfash how the other ideology did that and then just walked out like nothing happened. 

Anqueer glanced to the side, burning under Anfash's gaze. To say he was relieved when he finally stopped staring him down was an understatement. Something about the way Anfash was looking at him made him feel... something. Maybe nervous? Probably, but he didn't really have anything to be nervous about. Maybe it was just because he was going to be drinking again with Anfash of all people after so long. Anqueer thought on Anfash's question, drinking it straight up was tempting, but he knew he would regret it. "I'll take vodka. What kind of juice ya got?" 

“Well, I got orange juice for example – which is my favorite, but I also have cranberry juice and apple juice. Though I have never tried vodka with apple juice.” He said and picked up a glass for Anqueer and filled half of it with the vodka. “The juices are in the kitchen though, I would get them quickly after you tell me which one you want.” He tried a subtle smile. 

Anqueer let out a soft humming noise as he chewed on his lip in thought. "I won't trouble you, I'll just drink it straight.," He decided. Anqueer leaned forward and made a grabbing motion towards the glass. God, this was going to end badly, either from drinking too much or from how gross this vodka was going to be. He could pussy out and just ask for cranberry juice but he would rather not. 

Anfash rose an eyebrow in confusion and then quickly raised his hand with the glass in his hand in the air as Anqueer tried to grab for it. “Wait, no, no, no.” He looked at Anqueer intensely, but then his eyes softened again. “Literally just tell me what juice. It's like 10 steps to my kitchen” 

"What? No, it's fine. I don't wanna make you go get it," Anqueer reached for the glass again. 

The fascist opened his mouth, as if to say something, but then stopped again and closed his mouth. He looked a bit disappointed, but lowered his hand anyway and handed the glass over to Anqueer. “Sure...” Afterward, Anfash turned around to grab a half-empty beer bottle and flopped down next to Anqueer. He let the lid of the bottle rest on his lips for a moment and then spoke up again. “So do you want to watch a movie or not?” 

Anqueer gave Anfash a toothy grin of triumph as he settled back into the mattress with his drink. He took a decent gulp from the glass and screwed up his face a bit as he choked it down. "What movies do you have? If they're all just racist and shitty then there's no way." Anqueer looked over at his current company, eyes lingering for a second too long on Anfash's lips before he turned his gaze back off into the room. 

Anfash thought about what Anqueer said and then took a small glub of the bottle "Well, I guess you wouldn't enjoy most of them, but..." Anfash knows he still has one very degenerate movie hidden in the furthest corner of his movie pile. No, no. He shook his head at that thought, forgetting it would look a bit weird since Anqueer couldn't read his mind. But then he turned around to the other anarchist again. "But we could just look if there is something on Netflix?" He asked. "Like Netflix and Chill." He added, raising his bottle slightly at that, not thinking of the double meaning that suggestion could hold. 

Anqueer opened his mouth for a second then snapped it shut. He opened it again, this time letting out a strangled noise. He slapped a hand over his mouth and turned away, trying to stifle his laugh. It took Anqueer a moment before he collected himself enough to face Anfash again and say anything, "Do you... Know what that means?" He tried to keep a straight face but broke out into a smile instead. 

Anfash watched with confusion as Anqueer obviously tried not to laugh. The fascist awkwardly looked away, then turned his head back to Anqueer and smiled too, as if he knew why Anqueer was trying not to laugh. But when Anqueer then asked the question, Anfash's smile just dropped again and he stared back at the other. “Uhm,” He narrowed his eyes slightly, it wasn't so easy to concentrate when you already have drunk that much alcohol. He decided to simply nod instead of thinking too much about it. 

Anqueer's smile dropped into a look of confusion, "You were joking, though, right?" He was going to feel terrible if Anfash asked him there expecting him to put out when Anqueer didn't have the same intentions. 

Anfash bit his lips slightly. Shit, what did he start? This was awkward. Without answering, Anfash just nervously put the beer bottle away and stumbled up. He went over to his PC, logged into Netflix. "So, what genre are you into?" He refused to turn around and look back at Anqueer, his stomach might just act up again.

Anqueer furrowed his brow a bit, that was weird. He hoped he didn't upset Anfash or anything. He followed the drunk man with his eyes as he stood up. Anqueer shrugged, "To be honest I don't watch that many movies... I suppose I normally watch horror?" He took a drink, consuming about half of what was left. Shaking his head a bit to get rid of the sensation the alcohol left, he lowered his glass. "I'm fine with whatever, though. As long as it's not racist. I can't specify that enough." 

"Horror?!" Anfash repeated, his voice bit higher and then he shut his mouth again. He wouldn't have expected Anqueer to be into horror movies, he always had thought Abqueer just watches gay movies all the time or something. "Okay,," Anfash went into the horror section and then turned his head around to Anqueer shortly. "Race realism is just biology." He replied but didn't add anything further, instead, clicking on a random horror movie in the list and stumbling back to the bed.

"What, do you not do horror?" Anqueer tilted his head a bit. He finished off his drink and set the empty glass in front of the bed, already a bit tipsy. "Is that what you fascists are calling it now? Race realism? It's not even a proven theory." He sent an unamused look towards Anfash. Maybe he was in the mood to fight him after all. 

"I do horror, I didn't expect you to, is all" Anfash replied, grabbing for the beer bottle again, ready to take a sip off it, but then stopping. "You know especially Darwinism makes some good points there. Evolution isn't ''100% proven'' either, but people know it probably is true because there is enough evidence. There is enough evidence for race realism as well." Anfash explained, took a sip, and then looked over to the screen. Something about a teenager group visiting the French catacombs. He turned his head back to Anqueer, pointing a finger at his glass: "Do you want more?" 

"Oh, I got really into it during my edgy phase, it was one of the only things that stuck." Anqueer's gaze turned into a glare, "Unless you actually did want me to choke you to death, you should stop talking I think." He glanced towards the glass, pausing a moment before reaching down and handing it towards Anfash, "Please?" 

"Ah, I see." Anfash simply nodded in understatement. Then he gulped slightly as Anqueer glared after Anfash has talked about race realism. He slowly touched the glass. "I'm still sticking to that argument though." He replied and then took the glass and stood up the refill it. "Science will not change just because you don't like what it says" He continued despite the warning while he refilled the glass. He seemed to not really take the threat seriously.

Anqueer rolled his eyes, "Except it's not actually science. It's propaganda, studies funded by racist institutions conducted by biased and unreliable researchers. There are no factual statistics in it at all. And there's really not enough evidence to actually prove it." There was a hint of anger to his voice. All of Anfash's beliefs were an outdated joke and it annoyed him endlessly that he would bring them up now. 

Anfash looked back at Anqueer with an unreadable facial expression, put down the bottle, and then walked over again with the glass. He gently put the now refilled glass into Anqueer's hand. Afterward, a smug smile crept on his face. "At least my ideology doesn't need globohomo propaganda to keep it alive." Happy with his comeback and believing he has won this discussion with that last sentence, he let himself fall back into the bed. He put his focus back onto the screen. 

Anqueer glared at Anfash even more as he took the drink. He took a gulp, almost gagging when he heard the word globohomo, "Are you fucking kidding me!? Globohomo isn't fucking real!" His voice reflected his frustration as he gestured angrily with his free hand. 

As Anfash realized how much this has has angered Anqueer, he stopped looking at the screen once more. Anfash couldn't help but grimace slightly. "But is it real" he hissed, now getting a bit annoyed by the topic as well. Maybe he shouldn't have started this, it's ruining this horror movie. 

"It's. Not. Real." At this point, Anqueer hadn't really been paying attention to the movie for a while now. He took another drink, "There is literally nothing proving its existence. You got it from an ironic meme." 

Anfash rolled his eyes. "It's not just a meme, there are multiple things that prove its existence." He went silent for a moment, as he made it himself more comfortable on his bed. "And anyway" he took a deep breath. "Not to mention that you alone are a proof for it. Because-" His voice rose a bit. "I'm not scared of you, your gay aura is just too extreme." He went silent again, now quickly taking the last gulp of his beer bottle. He didn't feel like getting another one though, he probably already drank enough.

Anqueer groaned, "I don't have a gay aura. Why do you keep saying that? You know everyone thinks you have a crush on me now because of it, right?" He really didn't get what was up with the whole gay aura thing, it made no sense. Maybe Anfash actually did have a crush on him, that would be interesting. Anqueer entertained the thought of it for a moment, letting his mind wander a bit. 

"I don't-" Wait, maybe he did. Anqueer's gay aura was trying to pull him back into degeneracy and considering how happy Anfash felt that Anqueer was here, maybe he really did. Anfash felt sick at thing thought, not wanting to have feelings for another man, then carefully looking at Anqueer. "Globohomo might want one to believe one does, but when one trusts that, one has just been fooled by globohomo yet again" Anfash explained, now finally looking back at the screen. He really didn't want to get in detail or Anqueer might actually believe that he has a crush or something. That would be horrible in Anfash's opinion. 

Anqueer's mind blanked out for a moment at what Anfash said. He swayed a bit as he took another drink, letting it settle before speaking again. He somehow kept a straight face, "So, what you're saying is; you do, but you're hiding under the guise of whatever the fuck globohomo is so you don't have to face your repressed desire for men." He tried to get Anfash to make eye contact with him again, "Did I get that right?" 

Anfash looked at Anqueer again, eyes a bit widening at the realization that 'he might be sick again. He turned his gaze away again before he would accidentally make even more facial expressions that would tell things that he didn't want it to. "No?" It rather sounded like a question than a statement and a really confused one as well. He gulped. "No." He repeated, this time in a stronger voice, and decided he did want some more alcohol after all. It will probably do the opposite of helping, as alcohol isn't really something that is helpful to hide your feelings, but he might just try. Anfash grabbed another beer bottle, opened it, and then sat down again. "Can we just watch the movie now? I'm sorry for starting this again." He added.

Anqueer shrugged, his disappointment from Anfash's answer was a bit more evident on his face than he would have liked it to be. He wanted to press more but decided not to, it would have probably just lead to more arguing. "Yeah, it's fine I guess," Anqueer's words were slowly becoming less articulated, drinking that much in such a short time wasn't a great idea, he was a total lightweight when it came to alcohol. 

The other realized Anqueer disappointment and slightly bit his lips, but he really didn't want to bring the topic back, so he didn't. Anfash gave Anqueer a small smile and then looked at the screen for a while. After staring at the screen for about 10 minutes, he crept closer to Anqueer, brushing his shoulder against the other's one. "Are you drunk already?" He asked, not able to hold back a giggle. 

Anqueer leaned a bit into Anfash without thinking. He shot Anfash a sharp look, "Huh? No, I've only had like... One drink." He retorted, but the slight slur of his speech betrayed him. Anqueer backtracked a bit, realizing his lie wasn't viable, "I told you, I don't drink a lot." 

Anfash just laughed at Anqueer's answer and took another swing of his own drink. "That was really quick, huh?" Anfash enjoyed the sight of easily-drunk Anqueer a little longer and then happily turned his head back to the screen. The movie was getting a bit more intense, the group split apart and fell into a deeper part of the catacombs. Typical. 

"I can't help it. And it's just alcohol that I have a low tolerance for, anything else I have to take enough to kill a dog." Anqueer watched the screen but he honestly couldn't focus on it very well, his mind kept drifting off to other things like the conversation the two had shared earlier. He shifted a bit before taking another sip of his drink, the glass almost empty again. 

"Hm, I often drink alcohol, but rarely do anything else," Anfash replied thoughtfully while staring at the screen. He narrowed his eyes at the black person who was the first one to be killed off. He had to laugh out loud. "Eck, horror movies are kinda based in this aspect," he mumbled and then looked at Anqueer's glass. "Should I get you more?" 

"I have bad experiences with drinking, so I'd rather do horse trancs than risk revisiting them." Anqueer took a moment to figure out what was going on at this point in the movie. Eventually, it clicked, "It's not based. It's just forced diversity. It's repulsive- That's alright I should probably take a break." He cut himself off to answer Anfash before continuing on his tangent, "It's just another testimony to the abuse people of color face in the entertainment business. They're only ever considered for the most basic of diversity hires and then they rip away any validity the representation had by killing them off. Talented and skilled actors of color always get tossed to the side like this for washed-up crackers that aren't even good at acting. It's just another disgusting practice rooted in years of systematic racism designed to prevent people of color rising to power." 

The longer Anqueer talked, the more annoyed Anfash got. After Anqueer finished, Anfash let out a deep groan. "Forced diversity my ass, it's not like I want them in movies anyway" He simply said while rolling his eyes. "I don't understand why you would care so much if it doesn't even affect you." He added, but despite all of this said, Anfash still had his shoulder against Anqueer's shoulders. "I bet 10 bucks the woman dies next!" He then excitedly said, pointing his finger at the woman on the screen. 

"That's because you already see yourself represented in mainstream media, imagine all the people that don't. And actually, it does affect me, just on a different level. As a queer latine person, I get even less representation than that. Also, even if it doesn't affect me, it still affects others in a very negative way that gets repeatedly ignored. I care because unlike you, I actually have empathy for others." Anqueer punctuated his rant by finishing off his drink. He wasn't really angry or heated over the debate, he was mostly just arguing for the sake of arguing. "I'm not betting on that. I don't have ten dollars on me and also she's clearly going to die next."  
Anfash was silent for a moment, actually thinking about what Anqueer said, and only then replied. "I wouldn't care too much about media representation. And" He now stopped looking at the screen, turning his head to Anqueer. "I do am able to feel empathy. For the right people that is. Sometimes people just deserve bad things happening to them." He then smiled. "Yes, because women are weak. She's all alone there without a man protecting her. I think this movie is just staying realistic by killing these two off first." He got his bottle empty and then laid it in front of his bed. 

Anqueer returned Anfash's gaze, "You should care about representation. Maybe if there was more gay representation in media you wouldn't be such a raging homophobe." He deadpanned. "And people don't deserve bad things just for existing." Anqueer stood, going to pour himself another drink, "I have a question for you, you don't consider trans men to be men, correct?" 

"Yeah, sure. Even if there would be more ''representation'' of gay people, I would still know that it is wrong, unnatural, and sinful. That representation would probably just end up being the same globohomo propaganda as always." Anfash replied and seemed to look a bit sad as Anqueer's shoulders stop touching his own. Then his face turned back to normal though. "Huh? Yeah, of course! They're delusional, you can't just change your gender like that." Anfash answered and then raised an eyebrow. "Why?" 

"Except you wouldn't because it would be normalized on a global scale like it should be. And globohomo isn't real, stop saying that." Anqueer was halfway pouring through his glass when he froze up, "Oh my god, you don't know." He mumbled to himself, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

"Even if everyone around me starts going crazy, I will never let myself get lost in the degeneracy." Anfash almost declared proudly and put a hand on his heart. Then he put his hands back on his thighs. "I don't even know what?" He asked, tilting his head slightly. "Don't tell me you want to become a woman." He said, trying to hold back a snicker.

"No, I-" Anqueer sighed, deliberating on if he really wanted to do this right now. It took him a moment of just standing there and staring at the ground before he actually said anything, "No, nevermind nothing." He sounded a bit defeated as he poured the rest of his drink. Anqueer went back to the bed and sat back down next to Anfash, scooting back in so that they were making contact again. 

Anfash stared at Anqueer as the other just stood there. He felt almost kind of bad for how Anqueer was looking down at the ground. He wondered what it was, what the other wanted to say. Anfash secretly embraced the warm feeling it caused in his stomach as Anqueer made contact with him again, but Anfash couldn't stop thinking about what it might be that Anqueer wanted to say. "Did I hit a nerve or something?" He poked into Anqueer's side

Anqueer sighed, giving Anfash a dejected look, "No, just..." He trailed off with a tense shrug. Maybe he could weasel his way out of this situation, at least for the night. He turned and took a long drink in an attempt to hide himself. The taste of the vodka didn't bother him as much as it was earlier and at this point, he was thankful for it. 

Now Anfash felt actually kind of bad. He had no problems with seeing an angry Anqueer, but seeing Anqueer so dispirited just kind of made him sad. "I..." He started, stopped again, and then continued. "I have seen many anons talk about wanting to become a woman on the /lgbt/ board. I think it's often a problem that they're not able to pass. There are women facial features that men just don't have and can't become, no matter how many pills you swallow." He went silent again, trying to find a way how to say this without sounding mean in any way. "So really there often just end up looking like a man in a dress. Then there is no wonder people make fun of them. There are just certain things that are not possible without current science, especially... that upper part." He finally finished, looking in Anqueer's eyes with interest, wondering what he's thinking right now. 

Anqueer furrowed his brows at Anfash, "You are so far off from what is actually going on here it's almost laughable." He didn't really get what Anfash was trying to do. He desperately wanted to tell him, but the idea of how he would treat Anqueer if he knew scared and saddened him. 

"Huh? Am I?" Anfash bit his lips. Well, if Anqueer really wanted to be a woman, that actually wouldn't be so bad in Anfash's opinion. After all, then his feelings for the other wouldn't be gay anymore. Though, at the same time, Anfash didn't think that Anqueer could just become a woman. "Honestly, I wouldn't mind if you want to be a woman. You didn't look bad in that skirt anyway." Anfash accidentally led out his thoughts and then quickly turned around back to the screen as he realized that he said that our loud. 

"Oh, my god. I can't do this anymore." Anqueer scooted away from Anfash a bit. He gulped down more of his drink and took a moment to mentally prepare himself. "I'm not- I wasn't-" He sighed and recollected himself. "I don't want to be a girl. I was assigned female at birth." 

As Anqueer scooted away from the other, Anfash looked back at him. "What? Spit it out." But as Anqueer then finally did say it, Anfash just blankly stared back at him. "Wha- .. What?" Anfash looked over Anqueer body as if to check for typical female body outlines but just ended up staring back into Anqueer's eyes again. "But you look like a man?"

Anqueer curled in on himself, averting his gaze from Anfash, "That's because I *am* a man." He mumbled. Normally in a situation like this, he'd be so much more confident but with Anfash he just felt... vulnerable. Scared, even. 

Anfash contintued to stare. Slowly he crept over to the other and reached one of his hands out to touch the other, but quickly retrieved it again. He wasn't sure what to make out of this. Normally he expected trans people to just look like a man in a dress. Seeing Anqueer like this didn't feel good. "Sorry." He mumbled and decided looking away again would probably be for the best. 

Anqueer didn't reply, instead of turning his focus towards Anfash's sheets. The thought to just leave crossed his mind but walking home while drunk and upset didn't sound like a good idea. At least Anfash didn't say anything terrible, it was unexpected but welcomed nonetheless. Anqueer fiddled with his hands, he felt naked and he hated it. It had to be the alcohol affecting his emotional state. 

Anfash didn't dare to say anything and so the only thing filling the room was the movie. There was a scream coming from the speakers. The woman, that Anfash had bet would die next, just died. The fascist narrowed his eyes. He quickly got up from the bed, but accidentally stumbled over his beer bottle. Embarrassingly, he felt but got up as fast as he felt. Then he finally pressed paused on the movie and turned around. "You know, it doesn't matter if you're a tr@nny or not because that will change nothing about how I view you. Just,, please don't look so sad..." Anfash got quieter during his last words. He really expected to drink with Anqueer to turn into something funny and entertaining, but not something... whatever this was. 

"You know, calling me a slur isn't going to make me feel much better." Anqueer refused to make eye contact with Anfash. Him trying to comfort Anqueer was weird, but what was even weirder was that it was almost kind of working. Whether Anfash really meant it or not, it was relieving to hear that it wasn't going to change things. He wouldn't let himself enjoy it very much, though. They were both drunk and things could easily change by tomorrow. 

Anfash tried to find eye contact with the other again, but it didn't seem to be working. He bit his lips. Why was talking suddenly so hard to do? Anfash didn't know how to somehow turn this whole meeting back into something positive. Fighting was a lot easier but kicking something when it doesn't even fight back doesn't feel good at all. There had to be at least some resistance. Anfash sighed. 

Oh well, since he already said a lot of weird stuff today, he might as well go all the way out. "You're a man, and I like you, more than I should. There are many amazing things about you." He broke eye contact now, there was no reason to make it more embarrassing as it already is and he knew he would regret this later. Though he could always blame the alcohol. 

"You mostly seem to not worry how others portray you, I think that is very admirable. And obviously, you're not a woman, I mean, I might say you're weak, but a woman can't punch like that." He thought back to the first fight they had, there was a reason why he brought a gun to their second. "I want to spend more time with you, talk to you more and maybe even brush our shoulders together." He stared down at the floor. He should clean up later. "And I really want us to be friends." He ended it with this sentence and didn't really dare to look up. 

Halfway through Anfash's talking Anqueer finally looked up at him, by the time he was done Anqueer's expression had changed into a soft smile with maybe even a little bit of a blush. That... definitely was not what he expected. He definitely hadn't gone into any of this planning to come out to Anfash and actually be accepted by him. Something in the back of his mind suggested that the other might have an ulterior motive, but he shoved it down. He wanted to enjoy this. "Wow... Anfash that's actually... Really nice. Thank you." Anqueer glanced away from Anfash for just a second before returning back to him, "I would actually... Really like that. I like spending time with you." 

As Anqueer started to reply, Anfash looked up again. Anfash was a bit shocked himself now, he didn't think it would end up working so well. And that really made him happy. "Really?" He happily chirped back, making his way over to his bed again. "So everything is fine now. Fixed?" He smiled as well as he looked at Anqueer with expectation. 

"Uh... Yeah. For now, I suppose." Anqueer's smile didn't falter. He really hoped he wouldn't regret this. The change in mood was fast enough to give someone whiplash but he was thankful it went back to the previous lightheartedness. He wasn't really sure how he would have dealt with it if things had kept going downhill. He yawned a bit, "You wanna step out with me for a minute? I could go for a smoke and it's scary as fuck outside your apartment. I don't wanna go out alone." 

Anfash couldn't stop grinning. This was definitely one of the best days. If it continued like this, he might actually be able to join the anarchist polycule after all. In a non-gay, friend way. Hopefully. Anfash still was a bit in his hopeful thoughts, as Anqueer's questions snapped him out of it again. Anfash smirked. "Really? Is it that scary for you?" He teased, but nod his head. "But yeah, sure." He stood up, not sure if he should smoke too or not. 

"Dude, I'm pretty sure one of your neighbors hissed at me when I was coming up here. I'm way too drunk to be alone in this environment." It wasn't that Anqueer wasn't used to these kinds of places, his neighborhood honestly wasn't any better, he just didn't like being in a place he didn't know. Anqueer stood up with Anfash, digging around in his pockets for his lighter as he headed towards the door. 

"Oh, really?" The story seemed to be entertaining to Anfash and he only snickered slightly. "It's probably because they never leave the house. Goddamn incels everywhere..." He mumbled, judging his neighbors. "Anyway, let's go." He said and opened his room door and then walked over to his front door. It was still unlocked. He made sure to lock it again when they were in the hallway though. 

"I mean, it's not the worst thing I've ever experienced in the halls of an apartment complex, but I thought they were gonna attack me, to be honest." Anqueer pulled up his hood as Anfash locked the door. "Hearing you of all people call someone an incel is really fucking ironic." As they headed down the hall Anqueer pulled out his phone, clearing the notifs before shoving it back into his pocket. 

"They're kinda annoying, but I don't think they would attack you. At least they never attacked me." Anfash answered and then followed Anqueer outside. "Why would it be ironic? I'm not an incel. Do you hear me whining about not being a chad and not becoming a woman? I will get one when I want one." Anfash replied confident and heard the apartment door slam shut behind them. It was already dark outside and it was a bit chilly. "You want to stay here or go to the park near by?" He asked. 

"All I'm hearing is gay, gay, homosexual, gay. I've never seen you with a woman, so you must just not want women, or you know, you are an incel." Anqueer tucked his hands into his sleeves and crossed his arms over his chest, trying to warm up. "Wherever you want to go, I'll vibe wherever." 

Anfash slightly narrowed his eyes. "No, it's just most women are degenerates or controlling feminists. I want a real tradwife and nowadays these are just really hard to find." Anfash explained, feeling a bit insulted. Then he scratched his nose in thought. "We could also go to the night café, so you weakling don't freeze." Anfash offered with a smirk as he saw how Anqueer tried to warm himself. 

Anqueer scoffed, "That's bullshit, though. If you wanted a tradwife all you'd have to do is like... Go to the right church. I could easily point you to like 15 different girls that would happily be someone's cute little accessory slash dishwasher." He rolled his eyes and shrugged, "I'm not that cold. And I'm not weak, this hoodie is just the only layer I have on right now." 

"Trust me, it's not that easy. Not to mention that they end up thinking going to conversion therapy makes me gay, even though it's the other way around." He sighed slightly, remembering a conversation he had with a woman once. "Ahh, but most women piss me off anyway. I hate sh---" He stopped himself from ranting about women, it would make him look a bit too misogynist for a straight man. He sighed, calming himself down again. "So park it is?" he looked down at the hoodie, 

Anqueer stayed quiet for a moment. It was tempted to say that's because Anfash is gay, just repressed, but he decided it was best not to risk getting into another debate right now. He shrugged, "Yeah, park is good." Anqueer reached in his pocket again, pulling out a pack of Marlboros. He slipped one out and held it between his lips, "Want one?" He offered the pack towards Anfash. 

Anfash thought about it for a moment. He hasn't smoked for a while now but eventually accepted the offer. "Yes, thanks." Anfash looked at it for a moment, before taking a sharp turn to the park. "Ah, look!" Anfash pointed at the playground. There was a wooden house next to it, obviously not meant for climbing, but for kids to hang out under it, but Anfash pointed at the roof. "Let's go up there." He grinned, carefully taking Anqueer's wrist like he has done earlier, and quickly walked over. 

Anqueer let Anfash take one and then stuffed the pack back into his pocket. He would wait to light it until they got to the park. He laid his eyes upon where Anfash was pointing, "I- Yeah, okay. But how are we supposed to climb that?" He followed Anfash over to the playground. This was probably going to end badly, but Anqueer was a bit too drunk to actually care. Anyways, were you really even drunk if you didn't make at least one bad decision? 

"Ah, easy, just watch and learn," Anfash said with a grin, his eyebrows slightly wiggling while doing so. He threw the little cigarette up on the roof, so it wouldn't annoy him while climbing. Then he carefully dug his fingers on the small edge of the door. He heaved his legs up afterward, now tall enough to grab for the roof edge instead. And exactly that he did, first his left hand and then his other. "And now just.. ughh-" Anfash had slight problems pushing himself up, probably from the lack of going to the gym. After he finally was up on the roof, he kneed down and held his arms out for Anqueer. "Come on!" 

Anqueer bit back a laugh as he watched Anfash struggle. He tucked his lighter back into his pants and jumped up, catching Anfash's hand and pushing off of the door with his foot. He grunted a bit as he pulled himself up, ending up on the roof with a lot more ease than Anfash did, "You made that look a lot harder than it was." Anqueer moved a bit further up onto the roof. 

After Anqueer was up on the roof, Anfash removed his hands out of his again. The comment made him a bit embarrassed and so he looked away. "Oh shut up" He thought that Anqueer would be amazed by his climbing skill instead, so this kinda sucked. Anfash decided to just let it be and also moved a bit further up onto the roof, but before actually doing that, he picked up his cigarette again. "This is so cool though, it reminds me of teenage years." He said and let himself lay down on the roof with his back first. "To be honest, I didn't bring a lighter because I didn't think I would actually smoke too." He admitted. 

Anqueer laughed a bit then laid next to Anfash, "Yeah, same. I kinda missed doing things like this." He pulled out his lighter, lighting his own cigarette before propping himself up onto his elbows, leaning over top of Anfash, "Here, I'll light you." 

"Hmmh!" Anfash agreed with a nod. He raised the cigarette a bit, so Anqueer had an easier time lighting his one as well. As Anqueer was so close, Anfash's stomach once again went crazy and I hoped he didn't look as embarrassed as he felt. "Thanks" He said.

Anqueer nodded and settled back down onto the roof, taking a deep puff of smoke and trying to huddle in on himself. He really regretted not bringing anything warmer. He allowed them to sit in silence for a moment before speaking, "You know, I never thought I'd be doing this with you of all people." 

"What do you mean? Smoke?" Anfash asked, taking a drag of the cigarette and blowing the smoke into the air. He got a bit closer to Anqueer. "Are you still cold?" He thought about laying his arms around the other to warm him, but that might be a bit too far. 

"Nah, I mean like... This. Vibing with you." Anqueer explained. Normally nights like these were something he experienced with close friends, not the dude that just beat up one of his partners a few days ago that he spends most of his time arguing with. Anqueer nodded, "Yeah, it's fucking chilly out here." 

"Hmm," Anfash nodded, if he was honest, he didn't expect it either, though he was hoping for it. He knew that his other friends, well if you can even call them friends, most of the times they just insulted each other, wouldn't go smoking at night with him. "That cold, hm?" he grinned and took another drag. This drag would give him the confidence he needed, he thought to himself. And so, suddenly Anfash basically jumped the other in a hug. Anqueer now laying on the roof, back first with Anfash on top of him, hugging him. "You do smell of glitter," Anfash mumbled while making sure his cigarette didn't accidentally ruin Anqueer's hoodie. "That better?" Oh, he would so regret this later, but at the moment it was the best thing ever. 

Anqueer let out a girlish (and honestly embarrassing) squeak as suddenly Anfash was on top of him. His face flushed and he was stunned for a moment before settling into the other's body heat. "Yea-Yeah." He let himself relax completely after a bit, moving his arms so that they were wrapped loosely around Anfash. "I'm still confused on what the fuck glitter smells like," Anqueer said, taking a deep inhale of smoke and blowing it away from Anfash. 

Anfash had to snicker at Anqueer's squeak but was so nice to not comment on it. If he commented on it, the other might comment on the fact how weird it was that Anfash was hugging him in the first place. "I'm not sure how to describe it," Anfash said digging his nose in Anqueer's hoodie for a moment. Eventually, he just ended up pressing his face closer though and closing his eyes. "Yeah, no idea." This was better than the cigarette, so much better. 

Anqueer let out a soft hum, trying to ignore the way his heart skipped when Anfash pressed into him, "Does it just smell like my body wash, then?" It was weird how comforting this was, he traced small patterns with his finger onto Anfash's shirt absentmindedly. However weird it was, though, at least he felt good about it. 

"Hmm," Anfash opened his eyes again, moving his head slightly, so he could look at Anqueer. "Perhaps that's it." As Anqueer traced small patterns onto his back he had to shiver for a second, before grinning bigly back at Anqueer. He moved a bit closer with his head, his mind not really functioning correctly - All the teaching of globohomo and etc. forgotten out of his head for a moment. And so he thought about leaning down, his eyes stuck on Anqueer's lips. 

Anqueer returned Anfash's expression, subconsciously moving in a bit closer. His gaze flicked down to Anfash's smile and then back up to his eyes before going back down again. He put out his cigarette on the roof next to him and used his newly free hand to cup Anfash's jaw. At this point, his heart was racing fast enough to jump out of his chest, but he didn't want to make a move until Anfash did first out of fear of freaking him out. 

Instantly Anfash leaned back into the touch from Anqueer, lovingly gazing down at the other. He felt extremely nervous as he got even closer to the other's lips. All alarm bells should have already ringed already, making him remember what kind of degenerate act this was, but Anqueer's eyes staring back into his somehow made him forget that. And so he finally overcame that last bit of distance between the two and leaned down to press his lips against the lips of the other. It was a soft kiss. 

The look that Anfash gave Anqueer as he closed the gap sent sparks flying through his chest. As their lips met, Anqueer closed his eyes and melted into the kiss, every neuron in his body felt like it was firing at once. Any rational thought that he had was drowned out by the sensation of Anfash's touch. This was nice. This was really nice. 

Anfash deepened the kiss a little, but too scared to go any further than that. As he parted again, he got a bit too curious, licking over Anqueer's piercings under his lips once, before finally retrieving again. His heart was still beating loudly in his chest as he looked down at Anqueer. 

Anqueer shivered a bit at the sensation. He was a bit disappointed when Anfash pulled away but he didn't let that stop him from making eye contact with the man on top of him. Anqueer offered a warm smile to Anfash, wanting to reassure him. He opted not to say anything, and instead waited for Anfash to break the silence. 

Anfash stared down at Anqueer, still kinda nervous about what he just did, but then quickly calmed down again as he saw Anqueer's smile. He smiled back shyly. "Was that okay?" He asked, finally kicked the cigarette in his hand away, so he had two free hands. 

Anqueer's hand remained on Anfash's cheek, he nodded. "More than okay. Are you okay with it?" He returned the question, wanting to make sure that Anfash hadn't done something he was going to immediately regret. 

"Yes, why would I not-" But then his smile dropped and he blinked a few times. Wait a second. What was he doing here? He would like to lean down again, kiss the other a second time, a more passionate another time, but instead, he quickly got up. This wasn't okay, he suddenly felt so dirty and that even though the place where Anqueer's hand was on his cheek felt good. How contradictory. He bit his lips. "Agh, fuck, sorry, that was my fault. Forget that happened." 

Anqueer frowned, disappointment coursing through him. "I guess not then..." He muttered, sitting up and averting his gaze from Anfash. Of course, he regretted it, why wouldn't he. "It's fine... I don't- I don't know what I expected." He dug a hand around in his pocket, eventually drawing out another cigarette and his lighter. 

Even though it shouldn't, seeing Anqueer so disappointed now just made Anfash frustrated and sad. He didn't like being sad, it was feeling that proved that you are weak. Anfash just stared as Anqueer took out another cigarette. "Eh, it was a nice meeting, but I think maybe we should end it here after all-" Anfash began talking, turned around to just flee from his embarrassment and pretend this never happened, but while doing so he forgot one very important thing: They were on a roof and not on the ground. So the unpreventable happened and Anfash fell off the little wooden roof. A confused scream and then a loud "Fucking hell!" chimed out of Anfash's mouth as he kicked against the wall of the house in anger and pain, laying in the dirt.

Anqueer gasped as he watched Anfash disappear over the side and jumped up, not hesitating to hop onto the ground and rush to his side. "Holy shit, are you okay?" His first instinct was to help Anfash sit up, but he hesitated, not sure if he would even want his help. 

After Anqueer was on his side, Anfash shut his angry mouth. He tried to make the most natural facial expression possible and then quickly sat up on his own. He rather expected the other to laugh, so he was a bit confused as he was asked if he was okay. "Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks." he gave back nonchalantly, while rather wanting to be back on that roof and kissing the Anqueer, but there are things one shouldn't do. And that was one of them. 

"Are you sure? Are you hurt?" Anqueer looked down at Anfash with concern. The way he fell was funny, he'd admit that but now wasn't really the right time to laugh. He felt bad for Anfash, but Anqueer was thankful he didn't have to focus on the horrible sinking feeling left in his gut after what had happened anymore. 

"Hmpf." Anfash put one of his hands on the wall next to him for support as he stood up. Then he looked back at Anqueer. "Yeah, just a little scratch." Anfash felt bad for making just another awkward moment. He was silent for a while again, before adding. "You know, it's not like I didn't enjoy it, it was great and I'm shocked that you let me do that anyway." Then he was silent again. "But uggh, goddamn globohomo. Now I need to go to conversion therapy again. This is seriously tiring" Anfash wasn't even looking at Anqueer anymore, rather talking to himself than anyone else. "Anyway, maybe it's better if you go home after all, but like... don't take it personally." That was for the better in the end. 

Anqueer steeled his gaze as Anfash spoke, concern turning into a cold stare, "This is a joke. Why the fuck would you lead me on if you're just going to do that? I get you that you have a thing against letting yourself be happy but I don't want to be pulled into it too. We wouldn't be a bad thing. Letting yourself do what you want wouldn't be a bad thing. And obviously, conversion therapy doesn't fucking work. Like I've told you it doesn't fucking work. But you know what? Whatever, I'll just fucking go like you asked me to. You're right." By the time Anqueer was finished talking his eyes were watering. The fact that he was so upset over this was irritating but what else are you supposed to feel when something like this happens. He turned to leave, lighting the cigarette he had taken out a little bit ago.

**Author's Note:**

> Anqueer chose the title btw asdfghjk


End file.
